TOP 10 OF '09

10. Nord (North) - A hilarious and touching comedy from Norway depicting the (mis)adventures of a depressed alcoholic's journey to self discovery after his place of employment burns down and he's left with nothing but a Sno-Cat and the open road.

House of Films awards: Best advice on how to get the most out of a limited alcohol supply.

9. Zombieland - Ruben Fleischer's directorial debut is a wonderful time at the movies with laughs, gore, a banjo-wielding Woody Harrelson, a piano-wielding old lady and more laughs depicting the last surviving humans and their fight for survival.

House of Films awards: Best death-by-way-of-banjo scene

8. The Box - Richard Kelly's surreal sci-fi/horror film has thrills, spills and chills as the narrative's tension rises steadily throughout as a couple race against mysterious forces and a sinister Frank Langella after accepting an offer which includes a box, a million dollars and an untimely demise.

House of Films awards: Deadliest Santa, Best facial disfigurement.

7. Antichrist - Lars Von Trier's Antichrist is a powerful look at isolation, grief, loss and hatred. The true essence of a horror film all boiled down into a film so frightening you're left on the theater floor crying, only leaving when the janitor sweeps you out into a dumpster with your fellow audience.

House of Films awards: Best way to teach children not to play with scissors, Best porno stand-in in a non-porno movie.

6. District 9 - A chilling portrayal of prejudice in the world of sci-fi. The atmosphere and entertainment value are incredible with an action-packed ending that will be sure to please

House of Films awards: Best new racial slur (For the word 'prawn')

5. Drag Me To Hell - Sam Raimi's return to form in a horror film that combines laughs and screams so effectively a whole new bodily reaction is achieved (sclaughing?)
Probably the greatest horror film of the 2000's, with thrills so frequent you can barely handle them.

-House of Films awards: Best Visual Gag (Anvil scene), Best nosebleed, Best girl-on-girl action.


4. The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans - Werner Herzog's pseudo-remake of Abel Ferrara's gritty crime drama is a rollercoaster of "I can't believe what I'm seeing" laughs and pulse-pounding suspense resulting in one of Nicolas Cage's best and a great new effort from cinema master Herzog.

-House of Films awards: Best dance sequence, Best original soundtrack

3. Watchmen - Zack Snyder's adaption of Alan Moore's loved graphic novel is an amazing exercise in neo-noir, hyper-realism and genre bending. Exciting, beautiful, endearing and brutal, Watchmen just may be my new favorite superhero film (Letter bombs are not appreciated. I'm talking to you, Dark Knight fans!) and one of the year's best.

- House of Films awards: Special PETA award for depictions of humane animal treatment

2. Inglourious Basterds. - Quentin Tarantino's World War II epic is a spell-binding picture with delicious black humor and the most tense opening of any film this year. Not to mention the great visuals, playful historical inaccuracies and sharp dialogue which make this a treat for all Tarantino fans.

House of Films awards: Best use of an Eli Roth, Best villain

1. A Serious Man/ Avatar - I have just commited the most heinous cop-out of all top movie lists. The tie. One is an excellent black comedy which surely deserves to be called a modern classic and the other left me feeling so giddy that I was reduced to the mental state of a six year old.
So now that I have ascerted my own self-disgust let's get goin'!

A Serious Man, the latest effort from the Coen Brothers is an intelligent and hilarious black comedy with excellent performances all around, subtle yet hypnotic cinematography and a villain we all have to deal with - life itself. It's an absolute masterpiece and deserves to be grouped with the Coen Brothers' best efforts

House of Films awards: Best Jewish performance (All of them, including Bird in distance #3, expertly played by Moish Finkelstein)

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Avatar is James Cameron's return to the sci-fi/action genre with a no-holds-barred motion picture extravaganza worthy of being called one of his very best. It's a great throwback to the action films of the late 80's/early 90's yet new, fresh and exciting making it a timeless and thoroughly enjoyable experience.

House of Films awards: Best use of the color blue as an acceptable skin tone.
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So, that's my list. Agree with me or not, I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Thank you!

James Cameron's AVATAR (spoiler free)

I went to see a pre-screening of AVATAR last night, my excitement which has been present for well over two years now reached a boiling point as I walked into the theater.
Let me start by saying that I'm a huge fan of James Cameron's, he's the second director whose name I learned for crying out loud, I grew up with his films and I've been a rabid fan for a large majority of my life. Nevertheless I had somewhat successfully tamed my expectations for the film.


Most of you know the story by now. In a nutshell: An earth-based mining company intends to mine a distant planet's precious mineral ('subtly' named unobtainium) and sends out 'avatars', people mentally linked with human-alien hybrid bodies to learn about the planet's population of Na'vi, a native American type society.

Now that we have that out of the way let's get on to the film itself.

The special effects are astonishing, every nuance and facial expression is perfectly captured, the CG models are completely life-like and by the end of the film you forget completely that what you're seeing is special-effect trickery and not real life action.
The planet's diverse collection of flora and fauna is amazing and incredibly fun to observe as every shot of Pandoran(?) nature is layered and layered with eye-watering beauty and awe-inspiring details.

The film itself? It's a Cameron film. A true Cameron film. I won't compare it to his earlier masterpieces as they hold a very special place in my heart as childhood favorites but I can safely say that AVATAR is welcome among them. It's the type of sci-fi/action film that we haven't seen since the late 80's/early 90's, the kind we grew up with, the kind of which Cameron was an undisputed king. In AVATAR he has upped his game but he's still playing the one we know and love him for. The villains, the protagonists, the action, the story, it's all wonderfully nostalgic yet completely new and exciting. The plot and story advancements aren't really original with some undeniable clichés, but the movie doesn't fall into them but embraces them as this really is a pure-bred classic action/sci-fi film with familiar points and development. It's like meeting an old friend again that you thought was killed at sea.
Unlike the majority of action movies today, this one has heart. It's really a fascinating story which the action serves, not the other way around.
Needless to say I loved it, sitting in the theater I felt like a small child again, really wanting to be there and feeling depressed knowing that I can't.
The 3D really is amazing, this does not have the feel of an amusement park ride like, say, Journey to the Center of the Earth (Where every other thing jumps obscenely out at the audience to showcase the technology, almost sexually harassing them in the process) but rather to serve the film and the story. If 3D is used like this in the future I have nothing but high hopes for it.

I highly recommend you go see it. Remember the first time you saw Terminator 2, Aliens and The Abyss as a kid, sitting on the living room floor, completely amazed. AVATAR is the first film in a long time to make me re-live that experience and I loved every second of it.

Thanks for bringing my childhood back, mr. Cameron. I sure did miss it.

After a few years of ownership, I have now come to the conclusion that owning SUBURBAN COMMANDO on DVD is cool.

Any people who disagree will be swiftly executed.

Accepting the Synchronizer: A defense of Exorcist II: The Heretic.

There is a moment in John Boorman's Exorcist II: The Heretic where Richard Burton looks directly into the camera, right at the audience and exclaims. "Utterly horrible... yet fascinating!"
Well said, Richard Burton, well said, for unknowingly you have just described one of my guiltiest pleasures to a T.

Let's remember 'The Exorcist' for a moment, shall we?
That title has become synonymous with pure terror. Chances are you've heard someone say at some point "Well, it wasn't as scary as The Exorcist!" I mean, it's practically become a certified figure of speech, and rightfully so! William Friedkin's 'The Exorcist' is one of the greatest films ever made with its disturbing themes, nightmare-inducing visuals, heart-pounding suspense and top-notch acting. It's a certified classic and will be remembered for generations and generations to come.

On the other hand we have 'Exorcist II: The Heretic'.
"Well, it wasn't as bad as Exorcist II!" has become an almost equally common figure of speech. People shudder at the thought of Linda Blair cheerfully exclaiming 'I was possessed by a demon but it's okay! HE'S GONE NOW!' or a machine whose rubber headbands and blinking lights trigger complete synchronization between two human minds, of James Earl Jones turning into a leopard, Linda Blair getting her locust funk on as she pantomimes an African ritual and so many other moments of sheer absurdity.

It's the third most hated thing ever committed by man, right after the holocaust and the genocide in Rwanda.
And personally I think it's quite possible that Exorcist II: The Heretic is third only because of a two place margin of error.

'So how CAN you defend it, smart-ass? What can you POSSIBLY like about Exorcist 2?!'

It's unabashedly entertaining.
Of course it's stupid, of course it shows an amazing lack of respect for the masterpiece that is The Exorcist, of course it is a bad film but not entertaining?
Let me repeat what I said earlier; James Earl Jones turns into a leopard.
JAMES. EARL. JONES.
TURNS INTO A LEOPARD.
HOLY FUCK.
THAT IS AWESOME.
Not to mention Ennio Morricone's fantastic score.
It's tribal, wild and probably the best thing about this movie.

The film actually follows a lot of the rules of making a good sequel. The story is original and not a re-hash of the first film (whether said story is GOOD is a whole other thing entirely) and it offers new insight into the story (although the insight it offers is dubious, at best).
The stone-age psychology of the film only makes it better as a straight-faced Louise Fletcher (Who as Nurse Ratched I still haven't forgiven for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and therefore do not trust as a person) babbles excitedly about technology so laughable it's awesome.

There is one thing you must do to enjoy Exorcist II.
Accept the synchronizer.
That's right, accept a double flashlight connected to two rubber headbands that joins human psyches. Just think to yourself 'Oh, how technology has advanced.' and think nothing more of it.
That is the first step towards actually accepting Exorcist II not only as a complete failure but a spectacularly fascinating failure. You must accept it as what it is. It's not perfect... or good at all but it IS ambitious, interesting and, as said before, amazingly entertaining.

In the trailer we see the familiar steps from the first movie, a place that has sparked so many nightmares for me that I can't keep count, and a threatening voice asks us 'Do you dare walk these steps again?'
Well, we did but as it turns out those steps lead to another destination then we expected. To a world of drunk Richard Burtons and mind synchronizers, of tap-dancing Linda Blairs and tomato-spittin' James Earl Joneses.

Many times have I taken these steps, these cracked, misshapen and badly crafted steps, overcome with glee.
Never once have I looked back.

I won't give it a star rating because I don't know whether to give it a two or a ten, a three or an eight, a fifty-two or a thirty, an E=MC² or a π so I give it the dubious rating of being Exorcist II and that's all there is to it.

A short comment on Robert Bresson's PICKPOCKET

Robert Bresson's Pickpocket is an amazing exercise in tension in storytelling.
You feel the anxiety, the fear, the hopes, the dreams of a thief while sitting in your seat biting your knuckles.
The visuals and montages of a thief perfecting his craft seem almost like one artist's homage to another.
The dialogue implies that the characters almost seem to grasp what it is that they're doing, that they really are petty thieves, yet fall short to see the big picture. However the film looks at it through a veil of romance and a dirty window at the same time, never condemning their acts yet letting us know that even though we root for the characters, even though we claw the backs of our hands bloody with suspense, hoping they succeed every time, that what they are doing is a crime and a petty one at that. When walking out of the film you argue with yourself whether what they did was a necessary evil to survive or simply a selfish crime.

Until I see it again I won't write more than this but expect a detailed review in the forthcoming weeks.
This is a film filled with beautiful images, tension (as mentioned before) and has the advantage of containing one of the most romantic scenes ever put on film.
I highly recommend it, one of the greatest films I've seen in a long time.

DISTRICT 9

I just got back from the Icelandic premiere of D-9.
After being excited for months and mentally hyping the movie the whole time I was finally there to see it.
How was it?
That good.
That's right, that special level of good that can only be described as that good.
It's bloody amazing, a masterpiece of hyper-realistic Sci-fi brilliance.

Let's get this sucker started...

The plot: An alien spacecraft is one day seen hovering above the city of Johannesburg, after some time has passed curiosity gets the better of man and we break into the ship, discovering millions of sick and malnourished aliens. We, ever-gracious hosts that we are, decide to throw together a 'temporary housing' for the aliens. Soon it becomes apparent that the aliens won't be leaving any time soon and the 'temporary housing' turns into a slum. District 9.
People grow fearful of the alien presence, regarding it with hate and prejudice and as tensions build it is decided to move the aliens from Johannesburg to another district 200 km. outside of the city. In charge of this is MNU (Multinational United) worker Wikus van der Merwe, a mustached, weakly pencil-pusher.

As you can imagine this does not go as smoothly as planned (Try serving an eviction notice to a pissed off 7 ft. tall alien).
During the disaster which is the attempted forcible removal of the aliens Wikus finds a canister containing a strange black liquid and the rest...well, the rest is something you're gonna have to see for yourselves.

This is the greatest sci-fi film in years.
The plot's reflection of apartheid is obvious, yet you don't feel like the director is forcibly deep throating you with its message. It works wonderfully, heart-breaking and difficult to watch yet it doesn't insist itself upon you. It WORKS!
The first 30-40 minutes or so are told in a pseudo-documentary style which gives the rest of the film a realistic kick that really makes it so much more disturbing.
Now, while I've used the terms 'disturbing' and 'heart-breaking' that doesn't mean it isn't entertaining. It's entertaining as HELL, the runtime flew by.
The action sequences have an awesome, gritty look with shakycam a-plenty.
Shaky-cam I normally hate but here - well - it worked. It just did.

The cinematography, as mentioned above, achieves what so many other films try and fail at.
It feels like the camera just happened to be there. Normally when directors try this approach it comes off as a gimmick and you just wish they'd shoot it normally but with District 9 it just feels like they were walking by with some cameras and thought "Woah, there's some crazy shit going down here - LET'S FILM IT!"
Don't get me wrong, it has a cinematic approach to the whole thing, it isn't unwatchable but you still feel like a film crew just happened to be there. A very, very talented film crew.
The lighting is great, it looks natural and gives the whole thing a sense of hyper-realism which, again, really helps get its message across. That this has happened. Take aliens out and put in black people. Take out the word 'prawn' and put in 'nigger' and you have yourself an account of what has actually happened. (Discounting robots and spaceships, naturally)
The performance by lead actor Sharlto Copley is some grade A+ stuff, his emotions and pain seep through the screen. This guy can ACT. Funny thing is, he's a technical amateur. No training, no aspirations to become an actor, he just happened to be cast in this movie.
Holy shit, this man is one to look out for.
The editing is masterful, cutting from angle to angle with fluidity. Even when suddenly you see the film through the lens of a security camera it flows naturally with the rest of the film.
Special effects? Fucking GAH! Those things were real.

All in all, this is one of the greatest films '09 has offered.
It's fun, touching and gripping throwing you between laughter and horrified silence with almost sadistic ease.
Neill Blomkamp is officially on my look-out list, this man is talented.

District 9 is a perfect 10.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

Some Italian postery goodness.

As soon as the lights go dark and everyone quiets down you can feel it.
That atmosphere that seems to appear magically, making you KNOW that everyone there is as excited as you. It's almost worth the price of admission alone (not really).

The movie starts with a scene that will go down in history as one of the most "OHMYFUCKINGGODTHATSHITISINTENSE" sequences ever put on film.
Seriously, you could hear a needle drop on a cushion, people were holding their breaths.
This scene alone probably took eight years off of the audience's lives.
It also has the honor of introducing Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz), a character that' probably the best antagonist Quentin Tarantino's ever written.
No, scratch that 'probably'.
He IS the best antagonist Tarantino's ever written.
Hot damn, can that guy make a glass of milk badass.

"You call THAT a pipe?!"

After the heart-stopping opening scene the surviving minority of the audience is introduced to the titular characters - the Basterds.
Headed by a tough-as-nails Lieutenant Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt), this group plans to go through Nazi-Occupied France doing one thing and one thing only. Killin' Nazis. (Or nehzie's, whatever)
Brad Pitt had a field day with this one, the character's accent is completely over the top yet gripping and, somehow, totally convincing.
The rope burn around his neck makes you wonder exactly what this guy has seen but, alas, it is never mentioned.

"Seownd GUHD?!" Sure does.

We're also introduced to Sgt. Donnie Donowitz a.k.a. the bear jew.
A menacing entity whose name has become a myth for the german Axis powers. A Nazi-killin' machine.
What actor did Quentin Tarantino find to be menacing enough to play said character?
Eli Roth.
That's right, THAT Eli Roth. The guy that did Hostel.
Now, don't get me wrong, I like Hostel (crucify me later), I thought it was a fun movie and I'd call myself a fan but when I saw Roth in the trailer my first thought was "Oh. . . really?"
However, and I can see people disagreeing with me on this one, I thought he did a great job!
He didn't really have that many lines and the ones he had were delivered convincingly so Roth gets a good grade from me! (Oh, the honor...)
He had just the right balance between a sadistic killer, an all-American boy and a likable war hero to be a well-written and realized character.

Just look at that fucking smirk.

Now, despite what the trailers would lead you to believe, the movie does not actually follow the basterds for the majority of the movie. The lead character is actually a jewish girl named Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent), a woman scorn who barely escaped the bloody massacre in which her family was killed.
Co-incidentally she's the most likable character in the film with her strong personality, wit and charm.
Oh, that and one of the most bad-ass 'getting ready' scenes in years. David Bowie, consider yourself on the Tarantino soundtrack wall of fame.
Plus, she's probably the sexiest Tarantino character ever (sorry, Uma).
She runs a movie theater in Paris which is chosen to show the latest
propaganda piece by Joseph Goebbels. Shosanna agrees but wheels are set in motion and she constructs a plan that just might get her revenge.

She can plot revenge on my Nazis any day.

When I left the theater I was amazed. I went to a special premiere in Iceland and it was packed, I went out, Nazi banner wrapped around my arm (guests who arrived in costumes were promised merchandise. I have yet to receive mine so the looks I got in the lobby have yet to be proved worth it) dazed and very impressed.
This is easily Tarantino's best film since Pulp Fiction.

The stories mix perfectly, the script is top notch, the acting is amazing, the directing is...well, it's Tarantino all right.
If you like Tarantino, hell, if you like movies in general and you haven't seen Basterds already - go see it because to paraphrase Lt. Aldo Raine, this just might be a masterpiece.